Day 4....Chin Up!!

So far I have stayed within calorie goals, worked out every day and I am already seeing a difference. All those muscles I worked so hard at building 2 years ago are still under the layer of fat. My husband commented last night that he could already see a difference, how awesome is that?!?

I have actually found it pretty easy to stay within calorie goals too. I think because I am just very motivated and I hope I stay this motivated.
I did check the scale this morning and already noticed drops in weight. I don't plan on checking until Sunday morning. I was going to do it Monday, but decided Sunday would be better. Sunday is my rest day for working out! 

Last night's workout was 'Cardio Recovery' which is a lot of core work and balance poses. You still break into massive amounts of stress but it's very controlled. There are a few things I still struggle to do but it will be nice to see improvements from week to week. 

Tonight is the 'Pure Cardio' workout and I use to be afraid of it but I find myself looking forward to it. I am not sure if it's the workout itself I am looking forward to or just pushing myself. I do feel good after the workouts, and you can't put a price on that.

I am off to do some work around the house and update my to-do list. 

Two Years

It's been almost two years since my last post. During that time I was doing the Insanity Workout videos and posting about my progress. I was disappointed I didn't actually lose pounds, but I lost about 7 inches overall on my body and I felt and looked great.
Some how I let myself go again. And here I am, at my highest weight I have ever been and so unhappy with myself.
I am sinking into a depressed set and it's starting to have effects on my family. I am snappy with my husband and child and it's not their fault. Both are very supportive of me and love me no matter how I look. Pretty sure I am dealing with some PMS this week as well, so that only adds fuel to the fire. I am stressed about other aspects of my life and in the middle of starting another small business venture. I started Insanity again last night and decided about 2 minutes ago to start this blog back up. I have always found peace and comfort in blogging so I am going to start it up again.
I don't want this to be purely about Insanity, but how I am over coming my depression, self-loathing and learning to love myself. I don't need to fit into size 6 pants, I don't even need to be at the 'ideal' weight of 140. I just want to FEEL good. I want to look at the mirror and not flinch at my reflection. I want to FEEL strong and BE strong. 

So this is my journey...it's going to be ugly, it's going to be great. I will spill out my heart and all the darkness of the underbelly of the self-disgust I have with myself. 

So I hope you stay and hang out with me....help keep me accountable. I don't need praise or for someone to tell me how 'awesome' I am. I am not looking for that from anyone else. I need to find a way to hear it from ME, from MYSELF. 

It's an adventure of how exercise can change a person, how striving to FEEL good can also change our mindset.
What do I hope to accomplish? During the next 60 days (Insanity program). I hope to learn to love myself again. I hope to learn to be happy with ME. Because right now I am not happy and I don't love myself, and that is a serious problem. 
And I am going to try and make a post daily or several times a week to share my feelings about myself and progress.

Here I go....