Day 4....Chin Up!!

So far I have stayed within calorie goals, worked out every day and I am already seeing a difference. All those muscles I worked so hard at building 2 years ago are still under the layer of fat. My husband commented last night that he could already see a difference, how awesome is that?!?

I have actually found it pretty easy to stay within calorie goals too. I think because I am just very motivated and I hope I stay this motivated.
I did check the scale this morning and already noticed drops in weight. I don't plan on checking until Sunday morning. I was going to do it Monday, but decided Sunday would be better. Sunday is my rest day for working out! 

Last night's workout was 'Cardio Recovery' which is a lot of core work and balance poses. You still break into massive amounts of stress but it's very controlled. There are a few things I still struggle to do but it will be nice to see improvements from week to week. 

Tonight is the 'Pure Cardio' workout and I use to be afraid of it but I find myself looking forward to it. I am not sure if it's the workout itself I am looking forward to or just pushing myself. I do feel good after the workouts, and you can't put a price on that.

I am off to do some work around the house and update my to-do list. 

Two Years

It's been almost two years since my last post. During that time I was doing the Insanity Workout videos and posting about my progress. I was disappointed I didn't actually lose pounds, but I lost about 7 inches overall on my body and I felt and looked great.
Some how I let myself go again. And here I am, at my highest weight I have ever been and so unhappy with myself.
I am sinking into a depressed set and it's starting to have effects on my family. I am snappy with my husband and child and it's not their fault. Both are very supportive of me and love me no matter how I look. Pretty sure I am dealing with some PMS this week as well, so that only adds fuel to the fire. I am stressed about other aspects of my life and in the middle of starting another small business venture. I started Insanity again last night and decided about 2 minutes ago to start this blog back up. I have always found peace and comfort in blogging so I am going to start it up again.
I don't want this to be purely about Insanity, but how I am over coming my depression, self-loathing and learning to love myself. I don't need to fit into size 6 pants, I don't even need to be at the 'ideal' weight of 140. I just want to FEEL good. I want to look at the mirror and not flinch at my reflection. I want to FEEL strong and BE strong. 

So this is my journey...it's going to be ugly, it's going to be great. I will spill out my heart and all the darkness of the underbelly of the self-disgust I have with myself. 

So I hope you stay and hang out with me....help keep me accountable. I don't need praise or for someone to tell me how 'awesome' I am. I am not looking for that from anyone else. I need to find a way to hear it from ME, from MYSELF. 

It's an adventure of how exercise can change a person, how striving to FEEL good can also change our mindset.
What do I hope to accomplish? During the next 60 days (Insanity program). I hope to learn to love myself again. I hope to learn to be happy with ME. Because right now I am not happy and I don't love myself, and that is a serious problem. 
And I am going to try and make a post daily or several times a week to share my feelings about myself and progress.

Here I go....

Insanity Workout - Day 47 (Max Cardio Conditioning & Cardio Abs)

I am always super nervous about this workout but each time I am always pleasantly surprised that it isn't as intense as I anticipate. HA!
Cardio Abs still causes me issues, those c-sits I just can't get hang of. I am going to look for more videos to try and get the better position. Tomorrow looks like Core Cardio & Balance, which I really loved that workout so I am excited about it.

Insanity Workout - Day 46 (Max Recovery)

I love recovery days, even though they make me sweat....Ha!
I still have to take breaks during certain things but I figured my body is just getting stronger each day with each new workout and I am seeing improvement each time!!!!....Almost done with the week....ahhh.

Insanity Workout - Day 45 (Max Interval Plyo)

This one still seems to cause me issues. It just wears me out quickly!! Which I guess isn't a bad thing but man....exhausting!!! I just keep pushing through and remind myself how it doesn't matter how fast I go, the most important thing is keeping perfect form!!

Insanity Workout - Day 44 (Max Interval Circuit)

I can't believe I am two weeks from finishing (not counting this week).
This workout seems to be getting less *painful*. I think it's because my muscles aren't as sore and tender like they were last week. Which is good because now I am able to tell if I am in good form and can feel all my muscles!!!

Insanity Workout - Day 43 (Max Cardio Conditioning)

Tonight's workout was rough but honestly, a LOT better than I anticipated!! A few times I had to take breaks but that is expected!! My body is still sore and tender in places but it's a good feeling and I love it!!
So happy and proud!!! And my Abs are starting to look a LOT better as well!!!

Insanity Workout - Day 41 (Max Interval Plyo)

The week is over!! The week is done!! My rest day tomorrow is going to be sweet and relaxing!!!!
Since this is the 2nd time doing this DVD I knew what to expect. The side push ups are still weird I can't seem to get those down. I am still struggling with push-ups in general but I am getting better and my arms are getting pretty muscular!! Which is pretty exciting! I keep asking my husband to look at my arms!!! HA!

Insanity Workout - Day 40 (Max Interval Circuit)

So far I think this one might be the bottom of the list. I hurt and it kicks my butt!!!
Almost done with the week...almost.done.....
I am still sore...muscles are tender. I still 'ow' every time I go up and down those stairs!!

Insanity Workout - Day 39 (Max Recovery)

I learned my lesson from the last 'recovery' DVD (cardio recovery) not to get my hopes up for an 'easy' workout.
This one wasn't too bad. Yes, I did sweat but the beauty of these recovery workouts is how you can feel your muscles and body. How you take the slow path and feel each muscle working. Still exhausting but a nice break.

Insanity Workout - Day 38 (Max Cardio Conditioning)

Oh man! This week has kicked my butt!!!
I hurt every where. My butt, knees, inner thighs, abs, ribs...arms....Every time I walk up and down my stairs I cry out 'ow...ow...ow'...I am sure my family is tired of hearing it.

I was nervous with this DVD (nothing new this week is scary). It's like the pure cardio DVD, no 'assigned' breaks. But it wasn't as intense as the pure cardio. This DVD is more about proper form and control than speed.

Insanity Workout - Day 37 (Max Interval Plyo)

I was super nervous about tonight...1) I honestly just didn't want to work out (Aka, laziness) and 2) I got my butt kicked last night and I didn't want a repeat!!

I was actually pleasantly surprised about this workout.
Side push-ups??? What the heck? I think I might have done like 2 on each side...It was awkward and I didn't feel like I had proper form.
The balance push-up seemed way more difficult than watching than actually doing. So I was pretty stoked about that I was able to do it.
I can't remember some of the other ones I was like ...Umm? What??
But I feel good. I am tired and my body is sore but I feel good!!! Whoop!!! And this workout doesn't scare me anymore...at least not at this exact moment...when I am in my post workout euphoria!! HA!

Insanity Workout - Day 36 (Fit Test & Max Interval Circuit)

I had every right to be nervous....every.freaking.right.
The fit test alone kicks my butt. I will say I did improve on the fitness test. So that was awesome and felt great!!

The max interval circuit....ugh. I seriously thought I would vomit the first 20 mins. I was exhausted and just wanted to sit down and cry. Since it was all new workouts I had to take it easy and slow but it still kicked my butt. I seriously feel like I have never worked out in my life.

This about sums up my feelings right now.....

I am happy I finished and I wanted to cry. I am still not sure if I want to cry tears of joy or tears of pain. Maybe both? Maybe it's tears of joy but my tears are in pain....?! Yeah, probably....

Insanity Workout - Day 35 (Core Cardio & Balance)

Week is done!
The air was thick and humid today/tonight! It was nasty, very nasty!! I almost didn't work out because it was so bad. When I was done with the workouts, but before the cool down stretch I almost passed out. I think the heat, humidity and getting super excited about finishing the workout made me get up to fast. I sat down for a few seconds and it passed. I was able to finish the cool down stretch.

I am super nervous about tomorrow! I have been reading how month 2 is so brutal and kicks your butt.....

Insanity Workout - Day 34 (Core Cardio & Balance)

I was able to do the shoulder burner things again!! Start to finish!!!!! It was pretty hot in my house tonight but I did it. By the time I was done sweat was dripping off me....gross!!!

Insanity Workout - Day 33 (Core Cardio & Balance)

So at the last thing of this weeks workout are these shoulder burner things (the name escapes me). When you do them, everything burns! Great feeling when you are done but oh my! I always had to stop and go back into it. Tonight was the first time I was able to do the whole thing without stopping!!!! I was THRILLED!!!!

Insanity Workout - Day 32 (Core Cardio & Balance)

I am so glad this workout gave us a week of recovery. Even though I still sweat and my heart rate goes up, it's nice to have this little break to take it easy. What I love most about this week is the fact most things are counts instead of going fast and hard. So I am able to relax and make sure I am doing everything perfect!! My pushups are getting better too!!!

Insanity Workout - Day 31 (Core Cardio & Balance)

I am still amazed I have made it this far.
This week's workout is getting easier. My body is able to balance and push through! So happy!!

Insanity Workout - Day 30 (Core Cardio & Balance)

I have to say, even though it's more intense and doesn't necessarily feel like a 'recovery' I like this workout. I like the control and just on day 2 of it and I can already feel improvements to my body. I am able to do the counts and actually push through. I did better today than yesterday!!
I am starting to get nervous for month 2 though.....

Insanity Workout - Day 29 (Core Cardio & Balance)

I was pretty excited for 'recovery' week. I didn't know if I should be nervous, should I get out my mat?
Yeah, so...it's more 'intense' than I anticipated but it's not 'bad'. And since it's all about control and balance I can actually take the time to FEEL my body working which is really cool.
There are a few times I had to stop (mostly during the intense stretching) but I am excited to see how my body will change and get stronger each day.